Day Fourteen: Valley of Fire - Mesquite

Today's ride sucked. We have, therefore, decided to be bitter; so instead of posting a journal, we are going to post two lists. The first list includes things that are currently bothering us, and the second is filled with things that are wonderful in the world (we needed a bit of positivity). Enjoy, and beware--profanity is present.

Things Currently Frustrating Us:

1. People telling us we’re “just not used to the heat.”

Okay, no. I’m about to go ape shit at the next person who tells me this. First of all, I love hot weather. I would sit in the sun all day, every day if I could. Would I sit on a bike seat? No, and there’s the difference. These desert folk look at us with condescending eyes as if to say, Oh look… those poor Oregonians have never even seen the sun, how sad! They love to talk about their “dry heat” as if it is some sweat-wicking, Dri-Fit, atmospheric miracle that suddenly sucks away all of the discomfort of beating sun. They laugh at our red eyes and sweaty faces and say, “They must not be from here—they’re just not used to the heat!” Lies. Sit on your ass for eight hours and ride up that mountain you’re sittin’ on and then please, tell me just once more that you’re so used to the heat.

2. Nevada drivers.

There are three lanes on I-15. We are riding on the shoulder, and you are driving in the furthest right lane. There are no other cars nearby. Move the hell over to the left lanes. Could it be any clearer?

3. Flies.

Leave us alone. Sure, we might smell like a pile of doo-doo, and we haven’t washed our clothes in eleven days, but that gives you no right to buzz all up in my face and follow me five exits down the freeway. I’m not really sure what else to do besides thrash my arms around and this has resulted in some close calls as far as balance goes.

4. Shit on the side of the road.

Truck drivers should be required to pick up the remnants when they blow a tire. And seriously, how many tires are exploding on the road at all times? I have not witnessed even a quarter of a mile’s stretch that does not have giant chunks of rubber blocking the shoulder. Also, bottles of pee and literal shit? Ew. And for the record, a “bike lane” with a giant storm drain with slots two times the width of my tires should not be considered a “bike lane” unless cycling through the sewage drains becomes a popular route.

5. Wind.

Can’t take it anymore. If I am pointed downhill, I should not have to struggle to pedal. Plus, since when does the wind blow predominantly East to West (or just the opposite of whichever direction we are headed that day)?

6. Tarantula hawks.

Refer to yesterday’s post.

7. Racist people.

We’ve encountered a few of these, and I’m not sure why they feel so compelled to tell each and every person that they meet all about their cattywampus opinions. What century are they living in? Who knows, but hopefully they won’t live on to the next one.

8. Honkers.

When in doubt, do not honk. I’m not sure whether you’re honking to 1) support me, 2) mock me, or 3) scare the living daylights out of me; but no matter what, it always seems to do the third. And dear God, don’t you dare honk at me when you’re right next to me, because one of these days I’m going to have a grand mal seizure and fall off of the road.

Things That Are Wonderful In the World:

1. Lovely people.

Really, aside from #7 above, everyone has been so lovely and wonderful. They have offered us ice water, free housing, unbelievable stories, and most of all, support. The middle of the day is always the toughest; it is the point at which we constantly ask ourselves, “Why are we doing this again?!” and yet somehow, we are always greeted by a friendly stranger who reminds us how important it is to explore, to converse, to observe, and to love the lives we live. That, my friends, is exactly what we are trying to do.

2. Chipmunks.

Chipmunks, which we like to call “Chipmonkeys”, might be the cutest damn things in the world. They are also a constant source of entertainment, as we learned last night in the Valley of Fire National Park. We provided a hard-working family of chipmonkeys with just about an entire bag of limón flavored Lay’s chips and they proceeded to bury every single one of them. Much to our dismay, we also ended up with the entire animal kingdom at the front of our tent later that night.

3. Sleeping with the moon and waking with the sun.

There is something extremely satisfying about falling asleep as soon as the sun sets and waking at daybreak. It’s absolutely impractical during any other circumstance, but we’re gonna soak it in while we have the time.

4. Showers.

In case you’re wondering, we are absolutely filthy humans by the end of each day. Chain grease, sweat, sunscreen residue and all kinds of griminess plagues our skin the second we sit on our bikes each morning, and there is literally nothing more wonderful in this world (sometimes) than a shower. I can only apologize to all of those who have had to smell us on the off-days…

5. Soda.

This is a bad habit. But damn, is it marvelous to chug down a Coke Zero so rabidly that the carbonation stings your throat. There’s nothing like it, and I’m going to have to kick that quickly once this trip is over.

6. All-you-can-eat buffets.

Okay, let’s be real… we might be gaining some weight at this point. Just kidding, but tonight on the personal menu at the all-you-can-eat buffet was:

-Chili-lime chicken

-Rice pilaf

-Mashed potatoes

-Scalloped potatoes

-Ribs

-Caesar salad

-Other salad that I composed with kind of janky ingredients

-Chips and salsa

-Strawberries

-Pineapple

-Carrot cake

-Brownie sundae

Jealous?

Thanks for reading our rant.